On Bended Knee is No Way to be Free
by shaker11
Summary: Kurt and Finn struggle to connect with each other, post Furt - can they forgive and forget everything that's happened between them? Kinn - M for potential smut later on.
1. Chapter 1

_**The instant I saw the words "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel" it became my own personal head canon that Kurt's mom's name was Elizabeth. Shut up. It makes sense to me.**_

_**The title is from the Eddie Vedder song, Guaranteed. There's much more to come; I tend to work in small drabbles like this.**_

On Bended Knee is No Way to be Free

"You miss her don't you?"

Kurt glanced up at Finn, shaken from his reverie. He'd been lost staring at the faded photo in his hand – Burt and Elizabeth Hummel circa 1987, laughing together in a crowded kitchen.

He didn't reply. It was a stupid question and Finn had been trying his patience lately.

"I mean – it's just I'm kind of jealous of that, you know?"

He trailed off awkwardly, leaving the train of thought incomplete. Kurt stared at him, ready to snap, but suddenly he sighed and relented. It was just patented Finn-bluntness.

"Yes, I miss her every day." Kurt said quietly.

Finn set down the stack of yearbooks he'd been carrying and perched on a dusty old television set. Carole's attic was still only half packed up with three days till the move. Kurt watched him for a moment, flicked his eyes away, bit his lip.

"I used to make myself write it down, whenever I remembered specific things she said or…just the feeling of being with her. I had this notebook, and I'd try to put all my memories into words because I was so scared I'd forget."

Finn was gazing at him now.

"I used to wonder if he'd have liked me," he admitted with a small smile. "Actually…I'm still not so sure."

"He'd have loved you Finn. I've heard the way your mom talks about him."

There was a sudden darkness in Finn's eyes. The glance was just a fraction of a second too long and much, much too intense.

The sound of a horn tooting from outside broken the sudden silence.

"That'll be Dad," Kurt said quickly. "Come on."

They both grabbed a cardboard box full of junk and headed back downstairs. Neither of them spoke.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rachel's leaving."

Kurt glanced up in shock. Not at the news – he'd known for days – but at the fact that Finn was confiding in him at all.

"I'm sorry."

He couldn't think of anything better to say. Finn had this awful, helpless kind of look on his face; he was making movements like he didn't even know whether to stay standing up or to sink down into a chair.

"She got early admit to this fancy theatre school in L.A. You know she didn't even suggest that we should try long distance? All this time, and she really would just drop us all to go off and be a star."

"Finn, are you seriously blaming her for this?"

Kurt stood up, his chair scraping back against the kitchen tiles, and moved to stand beside Finn at the sink.

"You know she cares about you."

"Yeah? She cared about me enough to make out with Puck behind my back!"

"Finn…."

There was something so wrenching about the look on his face that Kurt felt himself reaching up to pull him in closer, one arm around Finn's broad shoulders. It felt weirdly comfortable. He'd been so hyper aware of their physical boundaries since the fight, but this was natural. He couldn't help noticing that Finn no longer towered over him quite so much as he used to.

"Finn, this was always going to happen. You thought she'd stay in Lima forever? What are the chances that you were going to get into the same schools? This is such a huge thing for her; don't turn it into something bitter by making her feel guilty."

"I know. It's just…I thought we had more time, you know?"

There was silence for a moment. Then Finn turned suddenly – pressing his face into Kurt's shoulder. Breathing in. That old, jolting, thrilling, tugging feeling rose up in Kurt's chest as his heart began to pound.

And he'd thought he was making progress.

"Everything's changing," Finn said softly. "Do you ever wish you could stay in high school forever?"

"No. Not once."

Finn laughed a little.

"But the worst part is I can't stop it. Everything's going to change and I can't stop it."

They broke apart somewhat awkwardly. Memories kept flooding Kurt's brain – that game of Spin the Bottle at Rachel's party, when the two of them had shared the briefest, driest peck you could imagine to a chorus of whooping. The first night at the hospital after his dad's heart attack; they had been alone, Kurt had insisted on staying there the rest of the evening. Right before he left, Finn had got this strange look on his face, pulling him in for a hug. Kurt could still feel lips pressed against his temple, his shaky breath by his ear. He remembered Finn looking at him with the same intensity he had in his eyes right now.

"Kurt."

Suddenly the déjà vu was disorientating. Lips crushed against his desperately – a hand gripping his face, fingers curling in his hair. But this time it wasn't Karofsky. It was Finn, beautiful, sweet, adorable Finn.

Kurt managed to work his hands up between them and prise him off. They were both breathing hard.

"What are you doing?"

Finn was still too close.

"Please…Kurt, please…"

Blood was pounding in Kurt's ears. Something new was throbbing in his veins, stronger than he'd ever felt before. When Finn leaned in to kiss him again, he didn't push him away.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt POV

I reached to twist my fingers in his shirt, pulling him closer so that he was pressed warmly up against me. I could hear him, feel him breathing harshly, making this ragged groaning sound of _want_ against my mouth.

How many hours had I spent mooning over this boy? But I could see now. It had been just that; a generic, naïve, sexless crush. Just vague, romantic dreaming. All of a sudden, the things I wanted Finn to do to me were perfectly specific. And not very romantic.

He broke off to press open-mouthed kisses along my neck.

"Finn…"

I was determined to get some kind of explanation but he was making it difficult to press the issue.

"Rachel?" I managed to gasp, finally.

"My name's Finn," he reminded me breathlessly.

I sighed. He started sucking on my earlobe.

"You're straight."

He stopped and let his head rest against my shoulder.

"I'm not sure what I am," he murmured.

For the first time, I thought of Blaine. Handsome. Kind. Untouchable.

Maybe we both had our reasons for needing this.

I moved my head round to kiss him. My tongue pressed against his lips; he parted them as I ran my fingers through his hair, and tilted his head slightly.

Finn stumbled backwards a few steps, clutching me to him, until his back was pressed up against the kitchen sink.

My hands were clutching at him too, finding a way past the cotton fabric of his shirt until I was touching the bare skin of his lower back.

"We should take this upstairs," he said quietly.

I stopped dead. We looked at each other for a long moment.

"Are you sure?" I asked him carefully.

There was a pause. Then he nodded once.

I was kissing him again before he could direct the same question back at me. And even though I could feel myself getting in deeper every second…I could already feel how much it was going to hurt if this ended badly…I didn't need to answer it. I'd never been so sure of anything in my whole life. My whole body was pulsing with certainty, the knowledge that this was good, this was right, that I needed this.


End file.
